I'm finally listening to it and I felt compelled to comment on the Friends FMK.
You marry Monica, because she cooks and cleans. And she's an expert chef, so she's pulling in the cash. That's some good living.
You fuck Phoebe because she is into some crazy shit and will be a total blast.
You kill Rachel because of those three, she's the most high maintenance without any awesome compensation the other two can't already provide.
For the guys, I'm going to have to go against the general consensus.
You marry Chandler because he's funny, has a good job, and will stick around forever.
You fuck Ross, because well, if you're fucking a dude it should be the one that probably isn't riddled with STDs. Also, he's a paleontologist, that's pretty cool. And hey, one degree to Rachel.
You kill Joey because that dude's been around. You'd have better odds of sticking your dick in a petrie dish and not coming away with a disease.