Crazy Work Stories.

Got any crazy work related stories?

This one just happened!

It's my night off, so about 11:30 I walked to work a sec to talk to one of my employees. While I was there, I caught a guy attempting to steal a gallon of Smirnoff. I kicked his ass out of the store...and about 30 seconds later he came back in mad as hell, wanting to fight me, and demanded I give him the liquor. The manager on duty stepped in between us and I physically picked her up and moved her out of the way...He charged at me a couple times, so I grabbed the bottle and was going to give it to him...right across his face. He thought twice about fighting me, and walked out...cussing and yelling the whole time that he was going to murder me. The manager was pretty shaken up...but I'm glad no one got hurt.
I called the cops, filed a report and pulled up the video... I watched that about 20 times. Funny stuff. The police said if they find him they were going to charge him with strong armed robbery. Not sure how that works.
"I'm not even supposed to be here today."

^ Great story. I'm glad you pulling a "Trial of Hercules" in front of a guy that wants to fight you deterred him. Heh.

At the tail end of highschool I worked at the local IGA, which was a real shithole, and most of the customers were drunks. I was at the first lane, cashiering. Right behind me was a big two way mirror/window where the manager on duty sat and could look out. A drunk guy came up to me with a big 24 pack of some cheap ass beer. One of my joys in life is denying other people theirs, and I said since he was visably intoxicated, I could not seel him more alcohol, which you know, is a law. He got mad and started yelling, and I said there was no way, and I took the beer and put it below the scanner in a little cubby hole. As I stood back up, the guy took a swing at me. He was so drunk there must have been three of me and he went for the one standing a few feet forward, cause he whiffed big time. I hauled back, ready to return the favor, and you know, make contact, but the manager was out of that room so fast yelling not to hit him that I was dettered. The drunk guy slunk away.

At the same place, there was this manager, I forget his name but he was a pretty cool guy. He and I played a game where we had a word of the day, and more often than not it was an innapropriate for work word. You got a point every time you said it to one another, but five points if you said it over the intercom. "We need a clean up on aisle five, someone spilled a can of duckbutter" Was a personal favorite thing I got to say on an intercom. One night the word was titty fuck. Lots of hushed whispering to one another using titty fuck in a sentence. Obviously we couldn't get it on the speaker, but he and I closed, and just as I was locking the door, having just seen out a little old lady as the last customer, the pa system comes on and he says, "I wouldn't titty fuck that old bitch with someone elses dick. Over. " One thing that's easy to forget about Reading IGA's PA system. The intercomm plays outside too, in case someone is on their smoke break and gets a call or something. Needless to say the old woman was banging on the door and very unhappy to hear that as she was putting her groceries in her car, on the side of the building right under the speaker.

Let's see... I was workin nights @ Kmart about 10 years ago when someone took a dump in the toy aisle. Not only that, but someone on rollerblades proceeded to roll through it and let poo tracks throughout the store.

Another time @ Kmart, I was making an end cap of Pepsi 2-liters. Well, me being the moron I am, accidently sliced through a bottle with my box cutter. The soda sprayed all over this dude wearing all white a good 15 ft away. Man, that dude was PISSED.

I think I told this story couple of times, but anyway: Few years ago in my old security job my shift ended and I just waited for a co-worker to ride home with. I waited outside of our "booth" when suddenly I hear a shot. One of the night shift workers showed the other one his gun and apparently a bullet was left in from a recent shooting range he's been to. The bullet went right next to the other worker and hit the entrance door, a broom and was stopped by a wall. Couple of traffic policemen who were nearby heard the shot and just came by to see that everything was okay, told the shooter to be careful and left. The shift manager was fairly young and stupid so he asked me if he should call the security officer. I told him he should, but it's his choice. Me and the co-worker I waited to then decided it's time to go home and told the others not to mention we've been there. The next day I was told that shortly after the shift manager called our boss and was fired the same night alongside the shooter. They were even sent to file a statement in a police station, just for formality. Funny thing is, that asshole of a security officer was happy to get rid of that idiot shift manager, but told the shooter he was sorry he had to let him go. He almost killed or injured a co-worker, he played recklessly with his gun - and you're sorry for him?! Anyway, the security company is even dumber, because they let that guy keep his job in a new place (a local hospital! With higher security risks!) and also let him keep his gun.

^ Oh yeah, that counts.

Tomer Soiker wrote:^ Oh yeah, that counts.

i know it doesn't sound like much but it was quite a spectacle seeing this deranged, chain smoking 75 year old woman acting hostile to the police, completely convinced she's climbing everest

The only story I have is that this kid named Willie Bean used to come into FYE all the time. Never bought anything, just wanted to talk to us, but mostly me. He'd buy me chocolate bars from Fannie May all the time. One time he asked me if I'd fix his trenchcoat because he knew I could sew. I said sure, and it was just fixing it up in a couple of spots, I told him I'd do it for $20. A couple of days later he comes in, and I have his coat finished. I gave him his coat and he said I did such a good job that he was going to give me $30. Well, then Willie Bean was arrested and gone for I think 5 of 6 months. Then the day he got out of jail, he comes to FYE and gave me a $50 dollar bill and said "this is for fixing my coat". I told him "you already paid me 30 before you left" and he just says "I know".

Then there was Porn-Scott who really liked porn. He was a strange man. He would trade in his cds for "beer money". When he found out I was moving away, he told me when I come back to visit, we should go have a drink some time. I told him I wasn't 21 and he said "oh, well, I know a good Italian place". His favorite shirt to wear was a Girls Gone Wild "Film Crew" tshirt. LMAO

And while working at the mall, I have gotten my picture with Winnie the Pooh and a panda.

Not a work story, but Ska's weirdos remind me of this: Many years ago when I served in the army and there where no comic books in Israel (the first one opened in '03) I've been a lot to Tel Aviv and one time I discovered this old books store in the central bus station. It was run by this creepy old man and aside from old books he also had a lot of comic book boxes, all in a very cheap price. So every time I've been to Tel Aviv I came to the store and went out with a huge bunch of old comics. Anyway, he also had racks filled with old porn mags, of every kind. The very kinky stuff was right next to the comic books corner and this one time two Filipino guys (Israel and especially that area have lots of legal and illegal foreigners coming here to work) went through that stuff just next to me, practically bumping me. I'm trying to keep my mind open, but that was totally awkward. I think they finished (no pun imtended) before me and when I went out they were still outside of the store, staring at me.

Painting an interior to a house you have to go into various rooms and even closets. Well, some people don't clean out their stuff, they just want you to get past it or move it for them. There's always a nice amount of dust, even in seemingly clean homes. Ugh.
So, I was painting this house of a Mormon home and I remember it being very creepy in there. The kids room had this arts and crafts thing where it showed the important things in life and their were symbols with words. One was a cross for Christ, one was stick figures holding hands for family, and the other was a dollar sign for...money. Just thought that kind of weird. They had these medallions of worship and things. Odd branch of Mormons. IDK. Anyways, painting the trim in the owners' bedroom, had to move the bed...found a sex tape. Just thought that was weird considering they're Mormon. Which reminds me, I need to see Chasing Sarah...err, Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

In Toys R' Us, a drunk woman followed me around a flirted with me for about 30 minutes. She had come from a picnic where her daughter won a gift certificate for a couple hundred. Thing is, her husband was there two...and he was trashed as well. So many things wrong with that scenario.

Also, not to me, but to a girl that worked at the toy store in the game section. A lady came in wanting to return a game but couldn't, so she went insane and started throwing things, did an arm sweep of everything on the game sections counter, putting everything on the floor except the cash registers, and left. We watched the tape so many times. Hilarious. Poor [name omitted].

Oh, I was big ticket one day and we were selling pull tables for some fucking reason. I mean, this thing was colossal. We had trouble getting it through the door, so the guy is pinned in the back of his SUV and me. Unable to squeeze this heavy-ass thing with no handles through back door, I left him under it for about 5 mintues before I could get someone else to help out. Pretty funny. Felt bad, but shit, it was an awkward lift.