Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

It's late and I am tired so I won't have my full thoughts on the movie posted until at least tomorrow, but that was pretty damn awful. And I'm speaking as someone who liked the first one and had really low expectations of this one.

EYE BLEACH PLZ

Joshua wrote:It's late and I am tired so I won't have my full thoughts on the movie posted until at least tomorrow, but that was pretty damn awful. And I'm speaking as someone who liked the first one and had really low expectations of this one.

EYE BLEACH PLZ

This makes me happy.

Silent K wrote:
This makes me happy.

I'm glad that my bad experience and serious disappointment brings you joy.

And so it begins

My full thoughts:

Man, this movie was such a pile, I almost don't even know where to begin. I'm going to be all over the place, try to bear with me.

-Okay, lame and stupid gags aside, the movie isn't good. Even if you took out all of the stuff that had me rolling my eyes and groaning, it's a very boring movie. While the first movie wasn't a juggernaut of drama and intrigue, I still care about the characters and what was going on. Aside from maybe the first ten minutes, there wasn't a single scene in this entire movie that I cared about. Most of the time when they were having very long and laborious technobabble conversation about the Matrix and whatnot, I wasn't even paying attention because it was so bland and verbose.

-The first movie had a smaller budget and so there weren't very many robots. I thought they did a good enough job of characterizing the Autobots, but thought that other than Megatron, Barricade, and Frenzy the Decepticons were shortchanged. They sort of fixed that with this one with more scenes between Megatron and Starscrea, which WAS cool. However, while they increased the number of robots in the picture ten-fold, they NEVER develop them at all. In fact, the Autobots have far less lines than the first movie. There were dozens more Transformers in this movie, but there was never any presence of Transformers. It's horrible.

-This one's a pretty major spoiler:

Spoiler:

-The humor. Okay, the first movie had some lame gags here and there, but they were never really anything that took me out of the movie. Some of them even worked well enough. In this movie? There's one joke I laughed at and the rest were either unfunny, offensive, vulgar, stupid, or a combination of them all. You know how everyone (myself included) was irritated at the "Decepticles"? I WISH that had been the worst of it, that was nothing at all. Did we really need to see John Turturro's bare ass? Did there really need to be THREE humping scenes, one including a robot? There were so many crotch-hitting jokes that I thought I was watching "Ow! My balls!"

-Speaking of the bad humor, didn't stupid and offensive racial stereotypes become passe' awhile ago? Apparently Michael Bay didn't get the memo. This movie is rife with them. They're blatant and mean-spirited and just stupid. Well, it's only racial stereotyping if you think illiterate guys with gold teeth and huge ears who talk bad street slang is racist. I know there were people who thought the first one stereotyped with Jazz. If you thought that was bad, watching this one will be like attending a Klan rally. And it's not just the robots, all ethnicities are mocked openly throughout the movie. It's horrible and distracting.

-I didn't really have high expectations for this movie, I really didn't. I just wanted to see some giant robots fighting each other, but even THAT doesn't really happen. There's a decent action beat at the beginning of the movie and another really good fight in the first third, and that's about as good as it got. The rest of the movie is bad jokes and Sam running around. I'm not exaggerating. The movie is 2 and a half hours and it's fucking boring. Like, Superman Returns boring, but it's being offensive the whole time. The final battle scenes are horribly shot and convoluted. It's bad enough that I don't care who any of the Transformers are because they got ZERO development, but then the action is so cluttered that I could never really tell who was fighting who; though to be fair at this point I didn't even care.

-The trailers make it look like Devastator is going to be this awesome force of nature, right? I mean, he looks pretty menacing? Well, he isn't. He sucks up some sand and that's about it. He is NEVER a major threat, particularly to the Autobots. The only thing he is good for is chewing on pyramids. It's no spoiler to say he is eventually defeated, but it's completely anti-climactic. He was put in the movie for nothing more than to make a giant and expensive toy. It's completely pointless.

-Soundwave's voice was really cool. Seriously, it was the highlight of the movie for me.

-Remember how they wanted to put Soundwave in the first movie but decided to wait so they could "do him right"? Makes you think they've got awesome plans for him, huh? Apparently "doing him right" consists of him floating over the planet doing nothing at all. Again, another character that is completely wasted. If he WAS in the final battle scene, I couldn't even tell. That's how poorly shot it was.

-Maybe I'm just a prude, but I thought the first movie's language was a little rough. However, it didn't destroy the movie for me and it certainly never took me out of the movie. In this one though? Oh my gosh. Not only is the language coarse and vulgar, but it feels completely out of place. Do we really have to have Autobots calling people bitch-asses and pussies? Really? Ridiculous.

-Optimus Prime is shown to be a ruthless, cold-blood killer in this movie. He murders defeated foes and rips robots faces' off and seems to take pleasure in doing so. I hate to sound like a bitchy Transfan, but that really bothered me.

-Very, very minor spoiler:

Spoiler:

-Since when did marijuana make people run around like an idiot tackling people? Oh right, in the world of "Do anything for a cheap laugh". Except it wasn't even funny.

-Some of the dialogue is Prequel-era Lucas bad. Megan Fox isn't a great actress to begin with, but giving her cheesy soliloquies about love doesn't help. Prime telling Sam about his fate and destiny and how he's the chosen one had me facepalming.

-The music. I absolutely adored Jablonsky's score from the first movie. I thought it was powerful and inspiring and I couldn't wait to hear more. A couple of the main themes are used very briefly in the second movie and they are not used well at all. The rest of the time it's awful.

-I'm sure I'm forgetting some other stuff that I hated. There was just too much crap to even begin to remember it all.

In the end, even if you took out all of the really cheesy dialogue and bad jokes, the movie is still a bland, turgid mess. Here's hoping Michael Bay was serious about not directing anymore. Maybe the screenwriters will quit too. In fact, for a movie this bad and offensive, they really shouldn't be allowed to put pen to paper even again.

This movie's gonna rock so hard.

Lee wrote:This movie's gonna rock so hard.

Are you being facetious?

No. I am so goddamned excited I can hardly contain myself. And i have to wait until Saturday to see this beast. BUT! I'm seeing it IMAX, so it'll be worth it.

Lee wrote:No. I am so goddamned excited I can hardly contain myself. And i have to wait until Saturday to see this beast. BUT! I'm seeing it IMAX, so it'll be worth it.

You poor bastard. I hope the disappointment doesn't leave you a broken and empty shell.

Lee is married.

Thundermatts wrote:Lee is married.

OH SNAP!

WTF?

lol, thank you Josh, I was proud of that one. Really proud actually. And I actually like the first one more and more each time I see it, and am looking forward to this one. I dig on Transformers toys (although I only have a few, and my scale issues prevent me from purchasing alot of them) but I hate every single cartoon and or comic of the Transformers I've ever come across. So I'm sure the movie is better than them lol.

Thundermatts wrote:Lee is married.

^

Joshua, the more I read from you, the more I appreciate your style.


Lee, why isn't this boy on the PoP! payroll? He should be writing movie reviews on the main page!

Topcat wrote:

Thundermatts wrote:Lee is married.

^

Joshua, the more I read from you, the more I appreciate your style.


Lee, why isn't this boy on the PoP! payroll? He should be writing movie reviews on the main page!

PoP! has a payroll?

Y'know I was thinking about giving the sequel a shot, even though I couldn't stand the original, because the previews looked kind of impressive, but judging from Joshua's review, I'm going to avoid it like the plague. My wallet thanks you, Joshua!

Sheep bastard.

And we're workin' on the payroll, dammit!

Silent K wrote:

Joshua wrote:It's late and I am tired so I won't have my full thoughts on the movie posted until at least tomorrow, but that was pretty damn awful. And I'm speaking as someone who liked the first one and had really low expectations of this one.

EYE BLEACH PLZ

This makes me happy.

The only part of this I hate is knowing how awesome Rodriguez is going to insist it is anyhow. Now, the real problem... I was going back and forth on going to see this Wednesday night, as my hopes were set pretty low. Now I KNOW to expect crap, so it poses the question: Go Wednesday with intent to groan, or wait and see it cheaper somehow at a later time?

Or maybe you're going to insist it's shitty, regardless. Look, I wanted to love Spider-Man 3, but it's a fucking mess. If it's no good, I'll say so. I'm not afraid to eat a little crow now and again.

For more on this debate, click here.

Topcat wrote:
Joshua, the more I read from you, the more I appreciate your style.


Lee, why isn't this boy on the PoP! payroll? He should be writing movie reviews on the main page!

Golly gee, thanks.

Y'know I was thinking about giving the sequel a shot, even though I couldn't stand the original, because the previews looked kind of impressive, but judging from Joshua's review, I'm going to avoid it like the plague. My wallet thanks you, Joshua!

The only part of this I hate is knowing how awesome Rodriguez is going to insist it is anyhow. Now, the real problem... I was going back and forth on going to see this Wednesday night, as my hopes were set pretty low. Now I KNOW to expect crap, so it poses the question: Go Wednesday with intent to groan, or wait and see it cheaper somehow at a later time?

If you weren't a fan of the first movie, you're going to DETEST this movie. It takes the small percentage (in my estimation) of stupid gags, blows them up ten-fold, and then litters them throughout the entire movie. This movie is NOT going to make converts out of anyone who didn't like the first one. All it's going to do is either please people who already liked the first one, or drive some of us away.

Or maybe you're going to insist it's shitty, regardless. Look, I wanted to love Spider-Man 3, but it's a fucking mess. If it's no good, I'll say so. I'm not afraid to eat a little crow now and again.

Last night when leaving the theater I compared the experience to Spider-man 3.

Joshua wrote:
Last night when leaving the theater I compared the experience to Spider-man 3.

That's harsh. Spider-Man 3 is ALMOST Batman and Robin bad in my book.

Lee wrote:

Joshua wrote:
Last night when leaving the theater I compared the experience to Spider-man 3.

That's harsh. Spider-Man 3 is ALMOST Batman and Robin bad in my book.

Yeah, I made a comparison between Transformers and Batman & Robin earlier today. I hated the movie last night in the theater, but the more I think about it today the more I hate it even more. It's a fucking abomination. Like Spider-man 3 before it, what really hurts is how good the preceding movie was. At least B&R was following in the footsteps of another disaster.

Josh's reviews always get me pumped to the see the movie, because Josh's trash is often times my treasure!

Well, my first post and it has to be in a heated debate on whether the movie blows or not I think Meghan Fox said it best in a interview I read recently, where she basically said it wasn't going to win any major awards and is basically one of the 1st summer blockbusters I wasn't expecting much from the first one and was pleasantly surprised. My wife, who knows nothing of the cartoon and toys, liked it too. It's a popcorn movie and I don't really expect too much from them. I think the same will be said with the GI JOE movie. My only hope is that the Baroness develops an accent before that movie hits theaters. Other than that, I'm going to enjoy stuff blowing up

It was....alright I'e seen worse this year....