The Official Low-Brow Humour Thread

The title says it all. Leave your intelligent jokes at the door. Throw off the shackles of high-brow comedy, mid-brow hilarity, and sub-mid-brow humour and partake in the release that is wanton immaturity. Fart jokes abounds and scat scatty shenanigans afoot, this thread is for both the gutter and toilet-minded. With that said, have at it!

John Holmes was one of few people that could clog their toilet by going #1.

He who finds it difficult to poop needs Ex-Lax, yet he who poops too well has diarrhea. - Confucius

(Let me see...toilet, scatty, and now I need a fart joke. Hrm.)

How many farts does it take to fill an average balloon?
The answer? 0. It's too hard to do--trust me.

*snicker*

How is this official? This can't be official!

That said, what do you call a dog with no hind legs and a set of brass balls? Sparky.

*puts on bicycle helmet, pulls pants up, starts lickin bus windows*


What's better than winning a gold metal in the Special Olympics?















Not being retarded!

For bewbs:


Jesus won't play hockey....


...he's afraid of getting nailed to the boards.

What did the leper say to the hooker?



"keep the tip."

How does every good Ethnic joke start?



By looking over your shoulder.





hmmmm...I gotta think lower!!

What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?
- Poop-and-dick-cular

Bigtymin504 wrote:

*snicker*

Winner.

Q. Once you've made a baby cry, how do you make him cry again?

A. Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.

Q. What's the best part about having sex w/ a 5 yr old girl?





A. when you're done, flip her over and pretend she's a 5 yr old boy

"These two Middle Easterners come to America. They get separated from each other, and about a year later they get together to see who had become more Americanized. So the first guy says, 'I'm picking up my son from baseball practice, and then we're going out to McDonald's. And then I'm going home to watch some NFL football. How about you?'

And the second guy says, 'Fuck you, towelhead!'"

"Jesus, on the cross, in his waning moments of life, calls to the crowd below, 'Peter!' The apostle Peter hears the call and moves closer to his liege. 'Yes, my Lord, he says. Jesus calls again, 'Peter!' Peter approaches the base of the cross, 'Yes my Lord, it is Peter, I am here for you what do you need?' Jesus calls, 'Come closer Peter.' Peter is beside himself, wondering what the son of God might have to say to him alone... He climbs the cross. Jesus calls 'Peter, come closer.' Peter replies that he is coming. At last, Peter reaches Jesus on the cross, and says, 'I am here my Lord, what can I do?' Jesus says 'Peter? Peter? Is that you Peter?' 'Yes my Lord, I am here for you.' Jesus says 'Peter, I can see your house from here....' "

One Friday, a teacher announces to his 4th-grade class that they can have Monday off if they can answer a question. They all excitedly await the question.

The teacher asks, "How many stars are there in the sky?" The kids groan in disappointment.

The next Friday, the teacher makes the same announcement. The kids are skeptical, but still excited.

"How many grains of sand are there in the world?" he asks. The kids are bummed out again.

That weekend, Little Johnny takes two golf balls and covers them with black paint. When the teacher makes the same announcement again the following Friday, Johnny rolls them up to the front of the classroom.

"All right," says the teacher, "Who's the comedian with the black balls?"

"Eddie Murphy," says Johnny. "See you Tuesday."

Billy was eight years old, and he loved clowns. His whole life was about clowns. So when Billy heard that the circus was coming to town, he begged and begged his parents to take him. Finally, they got him tickets. Billy couldn't wait.

For the nights leading up to the big day, Billy was too excited to sleep. He would just lay awake at night, thinking about how great it was going to be to see the clowns.

At long last, Billy and his parents went to the circus. He watched the ringmaster, the lions, the guy who gets shot from the cannon, the midgets, the elephants, the guy who walks around scooping up the elephant shit... but none of it matched the excitement Billy felt when the little yellow VW Bug rolled out.

The car stopped, and the clowns poured out of the car, juggling, dancing, doing cartwheels, and squirting each other with seltzer. Then, everyone stopped, and someone handed a microphone to the head clown.

"Ladies and gentleman, for this joke, we're going to need a volunteer from the audience."

Billy's hand shot straight up into the air as far as he could reach it, waving about wildly. After a moment of careful consideration, the clown pointed up at Billy. A spotlight shone down on him, and he nearly wet himself with pure elation.

As Billy reached the stage, the clown pulled out a small wooden rocking horse. "What is your name?", the clown asked.

"Billy."

The clown pointed to the horse. "Billy, are you this horse's head?"

Billy pondered the question for a moment. "No. I'm not the horse's head."

"Are you this horse's hooves?"

Billy's brow furrowed as he struggled to understand. "No, I'm not the horse's hooves, either."

"Well then, you must be the horse's ASS!"

The audience went nuts with laughter, but Billy was not amused. Feeling a level of humiliation he never thought possible, at that moment, Billy vowed revenge at any cost.

So he dropped out of school and started attending clown classes. For three long years he worked his way up through the ranks of the clown elite. One day, news came that the clown he so despised was retiring. This would be Billy's last chance.

At eleven years old, Billy could still easily blend in with a crowd. So he got tickets to the clown's retirement show, and waited patiently in the audience.

Just as before, the clown car rolled to a stop, and the clowns poured out. They danced, juggled, squirt each other with seltzer... then the head clown once again took to the mic and called for a volunteer.

Billy shot his arm high into the air, feigning the level of excitement that the clown had robbed him of. He waved it around, hoping to draw the attention of his arch-nemesis.

Spotting Billy, the clown recognized him. Figuring that the kid was just back for more punishment, he called him down. When Billy got to the stage, it was that fateful night, all over again.

The clown pulled out the wooden rocking horse and held it up before Billy. "What is your name?"

"Billy."

"Tell me, Billy, are you this horse's head?"

Billy shook his head. "No. I'm not the horse's head."

"Are you this horse's hooves?", the clown asked.

"No, I'm not the horse's hooves, either."

"Well then, Billy, you must be the horse's ASS!"

The crowd went nuts, which is understandable, considering they hadn't heard the joke before. While the building shook with laughter, Billy just stood there, seething. This was it — his last chance at revenge. Now was the time. When the crowd's laughing passed it's peak, Billy grabbed the microphone and looked the clown dead in the eyes...

"Fuck you, clown!"

BTW...I stole all of these^^

3 women meet up a the bar and start having a few drinks. as entertainment value and the purposes of this joke would have it they begin to discuss their sex lives and how promiscuous each of them are. the first woman brags and brags how many times she got laid last week and about all of the men who have loosened up her buttons recently. "One guy the other day got his entire hand inside of me."
the second woman, a classic one-upper, claims that she and her husband get it on so often and he is so well endowed that she's looser than she ever thought was possible for a woman outside of childbirth. "last week, that bastard got both of his hands inside me."
the third woman has been quiet for most of the conversation aside from a few comments here and there. The first two obviously look to her to compare and contrast with their recent experiences. She says nothing, and slides down the stool.

FroZen wrote:BTW...I stole all of these^^

I'm glad you did, they're great!

Little Billy goes to his friends birthday party.
After the presents are opened the mother of billy's friend brings out the entertainment...a Magician.
The magician does all his tricks and Billy is awestruck...now Billy wants to learn magic.
after the magic tricks he asks the magician if he could teach him some tricks.

The magician agrees and tells Billy to meet him after school for his first lesson.
So the next day after school Billy rushes to the magician's house to learn the tricks of the trade.
the magic man takes billy into his home and brings him in the back room where all his Magic stuff is stored.

The magician tells billy to get ready for his first trick. he asks billy to drop his trousers and turn around.
Billy is a little freaked out by this but after some prodding finally agrees.
Now the magician gets up behind him and Billy feels a poking in his ass.
The magician asks "Now Billy, does that feel like a thumb in your butt?
Billy agrees with a grimace..."yes"
The magician reaches around with both hands and gives billy the two thumbs up in his face.
Prestooooo!!!!!

One Sunday morning, little Bobby is playing with a toy firetruck on the grass and sidewalk not far from the front of a church. As he pushes it along, it suddenly gets stuck in the mud.

"Motherfucker!" screams Bobby. "You better get your ass out of the mud you piece of crap! I'm gonna destroy you piece of shit!"

Inside the church, the Pastor is in the middle of his sermon when he hears the dreadful profanity through the open side door. He ends the sermon and as the organ playing starts, the Pastor goes outside to see what's wrong and put a stop to the awfulness.

"Little boy, little boy," he says. "That's some awful language from a boy your age!"

"Well my fuckin' fire truck got it's wheels stuck in the mud and I can't get the damn thing out!," the boy says.

"Little boy, God doesn't look too well on language like that," the Pastor says. "Don't you know that God is all around you and hears everything you say?"

"He is?," says the boy.

"Oh yes, God is everywhere," says the Pastor.

"Is he over there by that tree?"

"Of course," says the Pastor.

"Is he in my room when I sleep at night?"

"Always," says the Pastor. "He's always around you."

"Is God over there by that playground?"

"Yes," says the pastor.

"Is God inside my firetruck?" asks the boy?

"Well sure, he's everywhere," says the Pastor.

"Well then tell him to get the fuck out and start pushing!"

The joke:
Why did the black man wear a suit to his vasectomy?








Because it was "impotent"


The response:

Not funny. I don't understand how racist jokes can be seen as funny in this day and age. Utterly dispicable. I apologize if I come off harsh, but these jokes hit me in a very personal manner as I have quite a few black people in my family tree.













And they're still hanging there!

What does a baby sound like when it explodes in the microwave?


























I dunno, I was too busy masturbating.

One last joke then I'm takin' a break:

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?




So you can see the expression on its face.

I've got two that are my favorites:


Little Johnny was sitting on the curb with a mason jar filled with clear liquid. He'd shake it up, then unscrew the cap to let the pressure out. The local priest happened to be passing by while he was doing this, and watched him for a minute.

"Little Johnny, what is that you've got there?" the priest asked.

The kid held up the jar and grinned. "Father, this is the most powerful liquid in the world. This is turpentine."

The priest shook his head sadly, and pulled a vial from his coat pocket. "Little Johnny, turpentine is not the most powerful liquid in the world. This is, and it's called Holy Water. Why, Little Johnny, do you know I can put some of this on a woman's belly, and in a few hours she'll pass a precious little baby?"

Little Johnny snorted. "A baby? Father, I can rub a little turpentine on a cat's ass, and in a few seconds, it'll pass a motorcycle!"





Little Johnny's mother was listening to him play with his electric trains one day, and heard him say 'All you motherfuckers that are getting off, get off, and all you motherfuckers who're staying, stay.' This went on for about half an hour, with Johnny repeating the line over and over. Finally, she went in there.

"Little Johnny, you shouldn't be using words like that. If I hear you say it again, I'm going to send you to your room to think about what you've done." And with that, she went back to what she was doing. Sure enough, a few minutes later, she heard:

"All you sorry motherfuckers that're getting off, get off. All you sorry motherfuckers that are staying, stay."

So, she sent him to his room for an hour to think about what he'd done. When she felt he'd been punished long enough, she let him come back to play with his trains. A few minutes later, she heard:

"All you nice people who would like to get off, please do so now. All of you nice people who are staying aboard, please stay in your seats. And if you have a complaint about the hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

As a preemptive measure I'd like to ask that people veer away from Holocaust jokes, my uncle died in a concentration camp.


He got drunk and fell out of a guard tower.