The Official Low-Brow Humour Thread

And now for your viewing pleasure:

What does a hooker do with her asshole before she goes to work?


Drops him off at band practice.

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Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

A farmer walks into town. On his way, he passes the hardware store. The store window has a sign that says CAST IRON SINKS. The farmer says, "Hell... everyone knows that..."

How do clowns tie their shoes?
In little bozos.

How does Hitler tie his shoes?
With little knotsies.

Why isn't it safe to go into the jungle between 2 and 4 PM?
That's when the elephants jump from tree to tree.

Why are pygmies so small?
They went into the jungle between 2 and 4 PM.

What's that brown stuff that's on the bottom of elephant's feet?
Pygmies who couldn't move fast enough.

Why do elephants wear tennies?
Because elevenies are too big and nineies are too small.

How can you tell if an elephant has had a period in your bedroom while you sleep?
You wake up on the floor, the mattress is gone, and there's a quarter on the nightstand.

And finally...

A little old man is walking through the forest one day, and sees a frog on a log. To the man's surprise, the frog opens its mouth and says: "Good sir! I am a princess, cursed years ago by an evil witch. If you kiss me, you will release me from my prison, I will marry you, and we will be wed-- you will have my father's kingdom and everything your heart desires!"

The little old man nods, picks up the frog, puts it in his jacket pocket, and walks along. After about a mile he notices that the frog is kicking his pocket and saying "EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!" He fishes the frog out and holds it at eye level.

The frog turns and says, "Perhaps you didn't hear me. I am a beautiful young princess, cursed years ago by an evil witch. I am trapped in the body of a frog! If you kiss me, you will release me, and I will be yours forever! You and I will be wed, we will have children, and you will rule my father's kingdom! You will have everything you want!"

The old man smiles, nods, and says, "Hm. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog!"

How do you get a fat girl into bed?
Piece of cake.

Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my cock

I was driving down the road the other day, finished a smoke and flicked it out the window. About a minute later I smelt this horrible burning smell coming from the back of the car. I turned around and had a look in the back seat; it was just Grandma fingering herself

What's grey and comes in pints?
An elephant.

What do you get if you cut a dead baby in half?
A hard on.

Two nuns are driving along a country road, when all of a sudden a vampire appears in the middle of the road, causing the nuns to take evasive action, swerving violently. After the car has stopped, the second nun turns round to see who they nearly hit, then quickly turns back to the first nun and says, "Quick, show him your cross!" She duly winds down her window, sticks her head out, and yells, "Oi! Get off the fucking road, you stupid cu--!"

What's the difference between sand and menstral fluid?












You can't gargle sand

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call her at work while having it.

***********

What's the ultimate rejection?

When your hand falls asleep while masturbating.

What's better than fucking a 5 year old boy?








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NOTHING!

Topcat posted this in her status on FB. I thought it was funny enough add to this list. Not sure if it's "low-brow" but it made me chuckle.

"Whoa. The human body is amazing! Did you know that if you were to take the small intestine of an average person and spread it around the bases at Yankee Stadium, you'd be committing at least three felonies?!?"

The low brow part comes when I tell you that I beat off to this joke...






...at work.

Heytherejeffro wrote:The low brow part comes when I tell you that I beat off to this joke...






...at work.

Oh I gotcha like when I just beat off to this post...




...in front of nuns.

superdoug wrote:

I know I'm thinking about the children.

As I beat off.

havin hrd timee typgnin whil i ughgugggfffffffff...


...beat off.

^

Giant Size Man-Thing and The Glob.

BlueMaxx wrote:

I hear ya, man.

why do tampons have strings?


so you have something to floss with when you're done eating

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Why do you have to wrap duct tape around a gerbil?


So that it doesn't explode when you sodomize it.

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little kid says, "daddy, what's a pervert?"


dad says, "shut up and keep suckin!"

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a guy is making love to a girl on his first date. as he fucks her, she says to him "isn't it a little presumptuous to be having sex on our first date?" he replies, "isn't presumptuous a big word for a second grader?"

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What do you get when you hit a baby with a pick axe?


A boner, and a place to put it.

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Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?
You have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth.

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How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's go ride our bikes!

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Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her ass.

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I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why, she said, "because I'm trying to examine you!"

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Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.
Please give just a small donation of 2 dollars and we will send you the video, its fucking hilarious!!!

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Why don't black people go on Cruises?
They're not falling for that one again.

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A man walks into a Hotel and is checking in at the front desk.

"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." He says.

"No," the Receptionist says, "It's regular porn, you sick bastard."

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A man walks into the patent office with his apple to see if he can get a patent for this particular apple. Once he's introduced to the officer he is very excited and tell the man the his apple is exceptional and should be granted a patent. The officer says okay what's so great about this apple. The man says take a bite so the officer does and he exclaims 'Wow, it tastes like a peach". And the man says 'yeah pretty cool huh', now turn it around and take another bite. So the officer does and he exclaims ' Wow it tastes like a cherry'. and the man now says so what do you think can you grant me a patent? The officer says well even though the apple was quite unusual he did not think it would fly and that apples were common so no patent granted. But he did say if you can invent one that taste like pussy, come back and see me. Well six months go by and again the inventor is at the officer's door and excitedly says I did it, I did it. The officer says what did you do again and the man explains to him about the newer requirement for the apple. And he says take a bite so the officer takes a bite and spits it out exclaiming that it taste like shit. So the man says turn it around!!!

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