Ask a Gay Guy!

Thanks, guys! I try to just be myself, and let people know that not every gay is straight (pardon the expression) from the set of Will & Grace. We are as diverse as any other group out there, and people need to see that. They do NOT need to see gay guys making homophobic jokes for a laugh.

Oh, I could rant for a long time about Will & Grace, but in spite of itself, it actually did the gay community a favor. By making a hit show about gays and girls, it forced the 'normality' of the gay's lifestyle into the living rooms of middle America, taking the stink of fear off of it.

And that's what I want to do with this thread. Take the stink of fear and ignorance off of some of the things that people always wonder about us but are honestly afraid to ask. Like I said: any question asked in honesty deserves an honest answer. I take this approach with my nieces and nephews, as well. If they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to understand the answer (which is modified for the querent's age level, obviously).

Groups like ACT UP and the HRC have their methods and place in our community, but I think a lot more inroads could be made if gays would do what I do, and just be willing to answer reasonable questions reasonably.

well said

Mnemosis wrote:

Joshua wrote:My love of musicals, flamboyant tendencies, and my possibly-too-comfortable demeanor around guys have caused a couple of people to question where I prefer to lay pipe, but I don't get it because I am a horrible dresser. I once wore brown plaid shorts with a bright green Polynesian shirt. It was a disaster.

Ah, but see, you know it was a disaster. So your taste isn't bad, you're just willing to wear things you KNOW aren't tasteful to maintain the ruse. Accept it Josh. It's easier that way.

Ah, but see, I didn't KNOW it was going to be a disaster. I didn't realize the bad combination until after the staring and laughing.

I actually liked Will & Grace for what it was. My gay uncle liked it, too... But he's sort of a bastard, so maybe his vote doesn't count.

God I hated it for having been such a horridly stereotypical pile of garbage.

I appreciated Will & Grace for what it was: a major milestone in the struggle for gays to be accepted as equal members of society. To that end, it succeeded in breaking down walls and encouraging people to look at gays in a new light.

HOWEVER. It fell prey to the same problems that all shows about gays tend to slide into. It made the same sissy jokes and over-generalizations that every show does; it just put the most offensive ones in the mouths of the gays so that they couldn't be called out for homophobia. I've got news for you. While, yes, gays may refer to each other as 'she' and other feminine pronouns, we ARE NOT LIKE THE GAYS ON WILL & GRACE. Okay, maybe some of us are.

I have the same problems with Queer As Folk USA. Not one gay in that show is relatable. I mean, we all know a guy like one or more of the characters, but those people generally are fucked up beyond the telling of it. The show is centered in a gay ghetto neighborhood, which most US cities do not possess, and the instances of violence perpetrated on gays is minimalized. (c'mon! It was set in STEEL COUNTRY. There should have been a lot more of that danger present. I wouldn't write a story about Texas gays without mentioning the rubes who drive by small-town gay bars and (at the very least) shout terrifying things.)

I think there needs to be a show where gay characters are there, but they're not about their sexuality. While I identify as gay, I don't walk around and introduce myself as 'Doug the gay guy.' ('Hello, Doctor! I'm Doug the Gay Guy!' 'Hey, mouth-breather at McDonald's -- I'm Doug the gay guy! I love sleeping with men!') I know that sounds strange in a thread called 'Ask a Gay Guy', but there it is.

Jack, I could do without, but Will was fine, I thought. He actually functioned like a real character as opposed to the cartoon character Jack was. Will and Vince were like the first real gay relationship I remember seeing on network TV that wasn't played strictly for laughs.

Yeah...it's hard to gauge real life against sit-coms, because those characters are meant to be over-the-top. But Will & Vince -was- a good gay relationship, and it played out like real relationships sometimes do.

They may not have gotten it all right, but when they got it right, they rocked it hard.

I loathe anything that says, "Treat _fill_in_the_blank_ with respect", all the while making sure to continue to perpetuate stereotypes in the name of comedy. Will & Grace and I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry are two pretty big offenders. It's fine if you want to poke fun at something, but don't simultaneously spew pedantic sermons at your audience.

superdoug wrote:I think there needs to be a show where gay characters are there, but they're not about their sexuality. While I identify as gay, I don't walk around and introduce myself as 'Doug the gay guy.' ('Hello, Doctor! I'm Doug the Gay Guy!' 'Hey, mouth-breather at McDonald's -- I'm Doug the gay guy! I love sleeping with men!') I know that sounds strange in a thread called 'Ask a Gay Guy', but there it is.

I think you're on to something there. Sadly, most minorities fall into the same pitfalls. In a show ehere the cast is predominantly white and straight, nine times out of ten, any minority will be there only as a representation of that minority opposed to a character, and then the shows focused on that minority as the key characters tend to suck. The Game, anyone? There are exceptions, of course, but I see what you're saying 100%

Joshua wrote:I loathe anything that says, "Treat _fill_in_the_blank_ with respect", all the while making sure to continue to perpetuate stereotypes in the name of comedy. Will & Grace and I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry are two pretty big offenders. It's fine if you want to poke fun at something, but don't simultaneously spew pedantic sermons at your audience.

I actually like Chuck and Larry. Yes, the jokes were pretty base, but I think overall, the movie had heart.

Lee wrote:
I actually like Chuck and Larry. Yes, the jokes were pretty base, but I think overall, the movie had heart.

So, jokes about gays are bad, but stereotyping an entire race of people is all in good fun? There's a logical disconnect there.

Chuck and Larry was a remake of the much-better-and-more-heartfelt Strange Bedfellows, with Paul Hogan and Michael Caton. While I strongly disapprove of the sophomoric humor of Chuck and Larry, I appreciate the message at the movie's heart, which is that families and love come in all flavors and variations.

However, if you're going to watch one or the other of those movies, I recommend Strange Bedfellows. I also recommend the movie The Sum of Us, starring Russel Crowe as a young gay man living with his father. Both are fantastic movies that go a long way to prove that gay people are just people in our lives, and not something to be ridiculed or shoved aside.

Joshua wrote:So, jokes about gays are bad, but stereotyping an entire race of people is all in good fun? There's a logical disconnect there.

superdoug wrote:Chuck and Larry was a remake of the much-better-and-more-heartfelt Strange Bedfellows, with Paul Hogan and Michael Caton. While I strongly disapprove of the sophomoric humor of Chuck and Larry, I appreciate the message at the movie's heart, which is that families and love come in all flavors and variations.

That's my point. I agree.

superdoug wrote:
However, if you're going to watch one or the other of those movies, I recommend Strange Bedfellows. I also recommend the movie The Sum of Us, starring Russel Crowe as a young gay man living with his father. Both are fantastic movies that go a long way to prove that gay people are just people in our lives, and not something to be ridiculed or shoved aside.

I am downloading both of these movies.

I'd like to take this moment to thank EVERYONE for making this thread fun and respectable.

For guys, does size really matter? (within reason, obviously two inches is worthless)

Joshua wrote:For guys, does size really matter? (within reason, obviously two inches is worthless)

Joshua wrote:For guys, does size really matter? (within reason, obviously two inches is worthless)

Very interesting! I would like to know...in case my options narrow. Not like being gay is an "option"....yknow what I mean...

Here's one...

I know it's not true for all teh gays, but...

Why do so many gay men speak in such a "fabulous" manner, often times with a lisp? Does sexual orientation sometimes dictate speech patterns?

Silent K wrote:
Why do so many gay men speak in such a "fabulous" manner, often times with a lisp? Does sexual orientation sometimes dictate speech patterns?

I've never really understood the lisp either. I love the "fabulous" manner, and am a bit flamboyant myself on occasion, but just never got where that lisp came from.

Joshua wrote:

Silent K wrote:
Why do so many gay men speak in such a "fabulous" manner, often times with a lisp? Does sexual orientation sometimes dictate speech patterns?

I've never really understood the lisp either. I love the "fabulous" manner, and am a bit flamboyant myself on occasion, but just never got where that lisp came from.

^ Ditto. That's a good question.

What's unfortunate....maybe that's a bad choice of words...more like CONFUSING is when a straight man talks with a lisp or a "gay" inflection. However, maybe they weren't so straight after all...

Joshua wrote:For guys, does size really matter? (within reason, obviously two inches is worthless)

The term 'size queen' exists for a reason. For some gay men, the bigger the better. For others, like myself, it's not so much how much you have as much as how well you use it.

Again, it's like sweater meat. The bigger it is, the more likely it is to catch our attention.

Silent K wrote:Why do so many gay men speak in such a "fabulous" manner, often times with a lisp? Does sexual orientation sometimes dictate speech patterns?

This isn't something easily answered. The glib answer is 'some men are just more effeminate'. It's true, but it's not really fair. Some gay men act in such a manner because they're not aware that they should be anything else, because that's all they've seen gays portrayed as on TV and in movies. Some gay men are just naturally effeminate from an early age.

If it's in a gay man's nature to be effeminate, it doesn't bother me. It's those who adopt that persona just because they're gay that are offensive to me. There's no reason to fake who you are to fit in.

In the same breath, I would also like to point out that at Stonewall, it was a drag queen who threw the first brick, so where the gay community stands now owes a lot to the girly men. They're our backbone.

Well, them and the lesbians.

SuperDoug rocks ass with these answers! I feel informed!